Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Seeking


I've been rather distracted this week. Living inside my head is exhausting.   My youngest son Sam, who was 14 when I started this art blog is now 20.  It's hard to believe those years have gone by in what seems like an instant.  His story is long and quite complicated and although this blog is primarily for posting my artwork -Sam has been my biggest piece still in progress.  Every once and  awhile I come here to express a bit about having a son with profound autism and other medical issues.  Lately I've been having spiraling negative  thoughts-concerned about his day to day wellbeing. He visits every Sunday and things usually go pretty well but there is always a sadness when he leaves that I can't seem to shake until Monday morning but this past Monday I just couldn't shake it.  I started researching as I am known to do,  looking for ways to help someone who seems to be in such distress who cannot speak.  I become so overwhelmed about  his health issues along with the fact that he is autistic.  It can be so discouraging.  It's one thing to have ulcerative colitis, or dental issues or arthritis when you can express yourself and get the proper help you need.  With Sam it's always a guessing game of trial and error that is so heartbreaking and stressful.  Sometimes each day can be rollercoaster.   His care is so complicated and I fear for the future and what his adult services will look like once he turns 22. I've gotten a lot better at realizing that I can't help Sam if I am so stressed and discouraged .  I have to try and look at all the positives because there are many.  He lives at wonderful loving school with staff who really care about him  and do the best they can.  They are up with him at 2 am sometimes for the day if need be. I have a large supportive family with many resources and excellent health insurance. 
 I keep searching for ways to help Sam and I'll never give up on trying to make his life the best it can be whatever that might look like. When I step inside my studio I leave all the stress, sorrow and regret behind me.  When  I am working, time seems to stand still and I am most grateful for that.
Time to get back to work. 

4 comments:

Karen Evans said...

Your words have really touched me. No one can fully understand how it feels to be the parent of a child with a disability without experiencing it first hand. The one thing all parents of special children have in common is the desire to want their child to reach their full potential, whatever that potential may be. It's good to hear that your passion for your art gives you some respite during particularly stressful times.

As I type I have three of your prints hanging on the wall behind me. The colorful images brighten my mornings, many of which are filled with worry over the future of my own child. Like your art provides for you, creating spaces in my home that make me happy takes my mind off my worries. Thank you for your part in making life brighter for me. All the best to you and your son.

Catherine Nolin said...

I really appreciate your kind words as well. Thank you for reaching out. Best to you and your family.

Linda Kay said...

love your work--it's so interesting & lovely

Linda Kay said...

not sure if my comment went through, so---excellent work--very lovely & interesting